


This is not a Pet Store

by Jetse (heikun)



Category: Death Parade (Anime)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, hello yes i hc decim as having a soft spot for animals, oocness probably sorry ;;
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-09 22:05:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3266000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heikun/pseuds/Jetse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a tiger in the bar and Onna realizes that she will never be ready for what happens in Quindecim, ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This is not a Pet Store

**Author's Note:**

> second fanfic for this fandom in english oho //first fanfic is so nice i love it
> 
> this is mostly? crack? a humor oneshot yeah enjoy and tell me how it is please!

There's a tiger in the bar.   
  
More specifically, when Onna saw the elevator doors open, she nearly screamed loud enough to break glasses.   
  
Now, along with a scared stiff and confused man, a furry, striped, monstrous sized tiger exits the lift and prowls forward to Onna. She managed to swallow her shock as the tiger stopped in front of her. With the most level and straight face she could muster, Onna bowed to the man and tiger.   
  
"Please wait a moment."  
  
She skidded into the bar, where Decim was already standing straight and proper, evidently waiting for the next people to come. He merely stared at her as she ran up to the bar and slammed her hands on it.   
  
"Is something the matter?" His tone was so calm and Onna felt the urge to strangle him.   
  
"The next people! Well, person. But there's two. Wait. Damn it!" Decim raised an eyebrow at her. Well, only one of them was visible, so it lost the effect a bit.   
  
"Just bring them in, no matter what they are." Onna screamed in her mind internally at his suggestion, before straightening up and levelling her voice.   
  
"I really hope you don't regret those words."  
  
As she walked back to where the man and tiger were waiting, Onna tried to imagine what sort of situation might arise that a tiger was sent instead of a human. After the one involving a hole, seven cans of grape soda, and a heated blanket, she decided that the best course of action was to stop thinking about it and live in the moment.   
  
The man had not moved from his spot, and neither had the tiger. Rather, the man look too terrified to even breathe, and the tiger was cleaning itself languidly.   
  
Onna cleared her throat.  
  
"Will you both follow me, please."  
  
The tiger got up lethargically, and lumbered after her. Onna found herself walking backwards into Quindecim, as so not to take her wary eyes off the huge feline. The man trailed behind it, looking faint.   
  
She only turned around when she heard a crash from the bar, and found out Decim had fallen over. Onna all but sprinted to where he was, before hissing into his ear.   
  
"Do you see what I meant?" Decim had the decency to look a bit surprised and sheepish as he stood up and straightened his suit.  
  
"The tiger is a surprise."   
  
Onna slumped against him behind the bar counter.  
  
"What do we do? Did you get some tiger memories or something? Why did a tiger come here?" Decim said nothing, instead looking back at the man now seated at the bar and the roaming tiger exploring the room.   
  
"Welcome to Quindecim." Onna grabbed him and pulled him behind the bar counter.   
  
"What are you doing? Are you just going to pretend one of our players is a tiger?" Decim looked very much in denial of the current situation, and very determined to go through it like normal.   
  
"We only have to judge them, and then they leave."  
  
"One of them isn't even human, you snowman head." His face twitched at the comment, and Decim turned away from her slightly.   
  
"Let's just proceed for now."  
  
They stood up, and Decim poured out a drink for the man, who accepted it shakily. He started to pour one out for the beast, but paused.  
  
He turned to Onna.  
  
"Can cats take liquor?"  
  
Onna let out a sound akin to a slowly dying balloon.   
  
"It's already dead, just give it whatever."  
  
Decim nodded and poured out a second glass, only slightly flinching when the cat strolled over and lapped into the glass, almost knocking it over.   
  
"Before anything else, may I ask if you remember anything?" Decim addressed the man first. Said man finished his drink and put it down with a sigh.   
  
"Not much. I was walking by a park, I think. On the way to meet a friend. But somehow, I ended up here," He trailed off, shooting another worried glance at the tiger.  
  
"Um, is that yours?"  
  
Decim and Onna both shook their heads.   
  
"Thank you. And to answer, it probably wandered in," Decim said offhandedly, before turning to address the tiger.   
  
"Do you remember anything?"  
  
The tiger rumbled. Decim wisely turned away, preferring to speak completely to the man.   
  
"We will now have you play a game. I will now explain the rules for this." Onna stepped forward, haven given up on trying to explain the bizarre situation.   
  
"One!"  
  
"We will now have you play a g- wait, I'm repeating."  
  
"Two!"  
  
"The type of game you play will be decided by roulette." The roulette plate cranked down from the ceiling, giving both Onna and the man a fright.   
  
"T-Three!"  
  
"You will not be able to leave the bar until you finish the game.   
  
"Four!"  
  
"I would like you to stake your lives on this game."  
  
Onna glanced back at the man, who had a very complicated look on his face. She would have felt sorry for him, but having seen that face many times before on different people made it lose its touch.   
  
"O-Our lives on this game? You mean the tiger and I?" He squeaked. The tiger purred slightly and curled up next to the bar to sleep.   
  
Decim seemed to go through all the things he could say, before deciding on a curt "Yes."  
  
"I need a moment," the man slumped onto the countertop. Onna felt like she needed a moment herself.   
  
"You have one hour to decide if you play or not. When you have decided, please press this button." Onna took out the red button and put it in front of the man. He has a blank face, but then got up and ran to the elevator doors, evidently to try and get out.   
  
Onna sighed and leaned against the counter. The tiger near her purred in its sleep. Decim waited for the man to come back.   
  
Five minutes later, he rushed back to the bar and sat down with his head in his hands.   
  
"Can you mix another drink? Just surprise me, if you can anymore." He mumbled.   
  
"Of course." Decim turned around to fix a cocktail. When he set it down, the man grabbed and gulped it down with such fervour that some spilled down onto the counter and button.   
  
Like a switch had been flipped, the tiger woke from its slumber and all but climbed into the mans lap, making him screech and fling himself away.   
  
The black and orange feline sniffed the button curiously. Then swallowed it.   
  
The roulette started.   
  
"..."  
  
"... Well."  
  
The man just moaned and slumped down against the counter. Onna gave him a sympathetic pat.   
  
Decim turned around from them and looked at the tiger staring at him. His eyes relaxed slightly.   
  
"You're quite cute yourself." He muttered. The tiger purred.   
  
A few hours later, the man was put into the elevator and sent off. The tiger had slept instead of participating, letting him win by default. However, he had been insistent of drinking himself to the point of vague gargling noises before leaving.   
  
Decim hauled him into the elevator and waited as the doors closed, sending him off. Onna sighed and turned back to the furry, striped monstrosity curled up in the middle of the bar.   
  
"So, what do we do with that?" Decim did not answer at first. Onna waved her hand across his face a few times before he suddenly moved forward towards the tiger.   
  
She watched Decim reach down to pet its head, his back to her. When he spoke, Onna nearly snorted in disbelief, but enough had happened today that she didn't even want to give an opinion. After all, the tiger had grown on her a little too.   
  
"We could keep it as a pet, probably," Decim had mumbled, stroking the coarse fur. Onna thought she saw a smile flit across Decims face, but brushed it off as a slight of the eye.   
  
It had been a long day, after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> after that, Nona made him send it off and Decim was sad for a few weeks. They never found out why there was a tiger.


End file.
